De-friending and De-friended

So recently I went through my Facebook and de-friended about 30 or so people.  I didn't do it to be mean or because I didn't like the person anymore or even because I didn't have good memories of their friendship but rather only to indicate that this person hasn't spoken to me, liked any status or commented on a status of mine in at least 9 months to a year and I've met new people and want to see what they are up to, interact more with them in this stage of my life and not focus on the folks that have their own "new folks" in their lives. It's not to say we weren't friends at one time it was to say that God put you in my life for a season for whatever reason and now we're not in contact.  You've moved on and so have I.  Sad in some cases and in other cases it's just the way life is. 

Why do you de-friend someone? 

The people that have de-friended me (that I've noticed) in the last year however have de-friended me for apparently other reasons I am guessing.  I get the distinct feeling and no I don't know this to be fact but I can name at least 8 individuals who have de-friended me because they know I'm a Christian and because the word of God does not agree with or otherwise condone the way they are living their lives or the decisions they've made and they don't want to be reminded of it. 

Now the one thing I want to point out is that I have not spoken to any of these individuals directly and said anything about not wanting to be their friend, not agreeing with their lifestyle or being unhappy, disappointed or otherwise afraid for them and the choices they made.  They just decided based on the fact of who I was and who I represent to de-friend me.  I wanted to keep these friends.  Pray for them, encourage them to come back to God or to seek Him out if they've never known them.  I wanted to say, "WAIT!  You're going the wrong direction and it leads to death.  Believe me I know because I traveled down your road and God had to kill that part of me that was so rebellious. " But I didn't.

Why?

hmmmm I've come up with four reasons:

First, I was afraid of being de-friended both on FB and in real life and therefore never having an impact on this person's life by the posts I post or interactions we might have (ok pretty reasonable and likely I think). 

Secondly, I think maybe I was afraid of the nasty and fear mongering techniques currently in place by most people who disagree with you on nearly any topic of importance.  They attempt to put you on the spot, call you intolerant or judgmental (not just non-Christians do this btw), talk about you to others and try to get them to agree these bad things about you, etc.  (Keep in mind that these people are supposedly your "friends"!)

Thirdly, I am not going to say I am 100% certain on Jesus' response to all of these controversial topics discussed on FB today.  Some, according to the bible are extremely clear cut and therefore I am also (thou shall not kill) but others are trickier and I pray a LOT about how Jesus would respond to things. 

Four - I just didn't care deeply enough about the person to speak the truth into their lives despite the consequences.  (God help me to love like YOU love!)

Only one of the people who de-friended me because of my beliefs had the guts to message me and tell me she was doing it because of my stance on abortion.  We had a long and heartfelt discussion but in the end agreed it was best to not stay in contact.  I still think about her and pray for her.  Her de-friending me actually made her come to mind a lot more often than she normally would have if I'm being honest.  It wasn't my idea to be de-friended but those that know me know there's nothing I'm more passionate about that protecting our children - both in the womb and outside it and she didn't agree.  So that's that.  Jesus walked away from many, many people after speaking the truth into their lives.  He didn't beg ANYONE to be his friend or his follower.  He just presented the facts and told them to go and sin no more. 

Oh to be more like Jesus and less like such a wimp.  God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,. The courage to change the things I can,. And wisdom to know the difference.  - Serenity Prayer

James 1:5, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

My question to you is, what do you do?  Do you speak truth in love or do you try to intimidate, frighten or bully people into believing like you?  Do you have pet sins that are in your eyes far greater than others despite what the bible says?  As a % of your income how much have you tithed in the last year?  How many missions trips have you gone on in the last 3 years or how many missionaries do you regularly support that are taking the gospel out?  How many people have you shared your testimony with in the last 6 months?  How many "things" did you buy that you or your children did not desperately (BE HONEST!) need (PS: It doesn't matter if it was a REALLY great deal!) How many children have you saved from starvation or sickness around the world in the last year?  How many "white" lies have you told in the last week?  Do you steal?  Gosh the list of our sins could go on and on and on and on.  Yes praise God that He grants grace.  Does it mean we can sit back and ignore our sins or worse, celebrate them?  NO!  Those Christians who believe you can continue in a lifestyle that is in direct conflict with the word of God without constantly seeking God, asking for forgiveness and truly repenting ("turning away from") are just desperately in need of truth in their lives.  Truth isn't what happens to be right for you or the guy down the street.  Truth is 2x2 = 4.  It's the same in Germany, in America, in China. 

Find truth.  Stop justifying.  Speak up and out and love. 

Above all else, love one another for love covers a multitude of sins. I Peter 4:8.

Our TMI leaders - Jacinta, Jay and Morgan

Morgan, Female Assistant Leader

Alan and I were blessed by the leaders God sent our way on the team this winter.  Morgan, a former five time TMI'er was the assistant leader of our team.  Morgan has a zest for life, loved loving on her team members and was a lot of fun to get to know.  She's cheeky (as the English say) and always up to something. :) She and I shared a lot of back and forth banter which I think we both enjoyed.  Morgan is 19 years old.


Jay - Male Assistant Leader

Jay and Morgan on the piano

Morgan and Jay

He's going to kill me for this one

Jay, who I met the first day is working with YWAM in Brisbane.  There are no coincidences with God and yet both he and I were surprised to find that he did his DTS with YWAM at the same time and place as my cousin Dusty from California.  Jay was quiet.  He didn't share much emotion but his testimony about his relationship with his earthly dad and his heavenly father probably touched me more than anyone's on the team.  He was gracious to forgive me when I got the town names messed up for his school program and he spent nearly two hours searching for the right location.  oops!  Jay is a great photographer and most of the pictures in this blog are courtesy of his picture taking abilities.  Jay is originally from New Zealand but is living in Australia now.  He hopes to return to NZ one day.

Jacinta - Female Head Leader

Jacinta was our head female leader and she was so easy going and great with the teens.  It's probably because this is what God has called her to do in New Zealand - devote her life to teenagers.  She works as a youth worker and isn't daunted by much.  She was always kind to us, very organized and willing to do just about anything.  She never once had a bad attitude and was easily able to keep the team in-line but also having a great time too.  I think New Zealand is very blessed to have her!

All in all, the three leaders above and our addition of Travis yielded a team that was well fed, worked incredibly hard and learned to love Jesus and others more over their time with us.  We'd welcome any of these leaders back again on another Teen Missions team or with Pioneers and pray God will bless them as they continue to serve Him with their talents, passions and futures.



Tamzin (team member) and Jacinta




2013/2014 TMI Australia/NZ Mission to Germany

 


BEFORE

AFTER

Well it's Sunday and the team that came to work with us from Australia and New Zealand just left yesterday morning.  7 teens, 3 leaders (2 from Australia and 1 from New Zealand) plus an extra leader from TMI Florida who had been serving in Malawi for the past year and wanted a stop over in Germany on his way back home for a few weeks.  It was a terrific 3 weeks with the team and a ton was accomplished. Each week the team worked 4 days on an attic space we are hoping to convert into apartments for short and medium term missionaries that want to work alongside us.  In addition they did spiritual background surveys at the University, enjoyed some sightseeing and went to church services both in Meckesheim at the CVJM and in Heidelberg at Calvary Chapel.  I think they enjoyed the variety in their schedule.  Alan worked with them on all their work days and I helped doing behind the scenes organization of everything from evangelism and sightseeing to meals with church members, presentations at church services and schools and running leaders on errands, primarily to the grocery stores. 

I want to use the next few posts to talk about each of the team members individually and show the work the team accomplished.  Alan and I couldn't be prouder of this group of on fire for God, hard-working teens.  In addition to nearly 8 hours work each day they also manned a prayer closet for each of those hours, held private and group devotionals, bible marking class and library reading time. In addition each team member is required to learn one new bible verse a day and review those verses in quiz-off's each week in preparation for a competition with others teams at debrief when they return to Australia. Teen Missions is such a good program because it is so varied in how it prepares and equips each young person who goes on a team for a future walk with Christ.  I still remember verses I memorized on my TMI team back in 1985!

Well, now back to the team members.  The first person I'll talk about it Travis.  Travis is not from Australia but instead from Minnesota in the states.  He had been on my TMI team to Wales and Iceland back in 2008 when I was on staff.  He was one of my "favorites" on the team because his personality was so crazy contagious.  He just had a way of making everyone feel good and he really shined Jesus.  He was 16 then.  He's 21 now.  We kept in touch over the years and I encouraged him more than once to come over to Germany to see us or work with us.  God worked it out so he could come this year and while we didn't know what exactly to expect nor if and how he'd mesh with the Australian team it was clear after about 20 minutes that he was going to fit in just fine and be such an asset to us all.

I cried when he left partly because of how much we'd miss him but also partly because of how proud I was of him.  Everywhere we went in Germany Travis was the most outgoing of us all, introducing himself in his broken German and trying to share the love of Jesus.  He loves to preach and never shies away from any opportunity to do so.  He shared his testimony at our church and I could have listened to him for hours.  He's just filled up with Jesus so he overflows onto people naturally.  Alan and I joked that we could see him running Teen Missions one day or pastoring a big church somewhere.  He could also stay a missionary running an orphanage because children just navigate to him.  I know our pastors wife at the CVJM is already trying to recruit him back to Germany as am I but no matter what God decides for him we'll keep in touch and continue to support his work for Jesus.  Please pray for him as he takes the next few months to pray and seek Gods direction for this next phase of his life. 

A JOB WELL DONE

Full steam ahead into 2014

12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3: 12-16

Alan and I returned from a wonderful vacation in Georgia last week.  We had to leave on Christmas day because we were anticipating the arrival of a group of teens from Teen Missions in Australia on the 27th.  We thought we'd have a day to recover but the last mail we received from the head office said the flights had been moved up and they would now arrive the same day as we would only about 10 hours later. 

A family of angels picked us up from the Frankfurt airport at 7:30 in the morning.  Frank and his wife Christina and their son graciously came and got us in their van which was a good thing because we each brought back an extra suitcase and wouldn't have had any room otherwise.  I guess we got home around 9:30 or 10 and we didn't do much except crash until around 3pm.  It was sooo hard waking up to return to the airport but Alan did.  I dropped him off at the CVJM where I stayed to help get the rooms and dinner ready for the team.  Frank once again came with Alan in his van and Alan took our pastors van and they got the team back about 9pm. 

I was assisted by an old teammate of mine from my 2008 Wales and Iceland team, Travis.  He was one of my favorites the whole summer because I was fortunate enough to have his brother Joe on my team in 2007.  We kept in touch with me watching keenly his adventures as a BMW student with TMI and his internship in Africa.  His love for Jesus and for others was so evident.  He kept telling me he wanted to visit and work alongside us when he was finished with his time there but honestly I didn't count on it until a few months ago when he wrote me to make plans.  It was great catching up with him.  What a blessing!  Travis was to serve alongside the Australian team as another male leader and that was terrific for us because we know what a hard worker he is and what an infectious spirit he has. 

The team was justifiably exhausted when they landed and unfortunately all the grocery stores were shut in Germany due to it being a holiday so I ordered some pizzas and made chocolate chip pancakes for them when they arrived.  We gave just a few words of welcome and instruction to them to keep them safe and warm and then let them sleep.  We would see them in only a few hours with breakfast.  At first glance the team was great.  We were excited to get to know each of them.

The last week we spent doing lots of work days, taking the team sightseeing, to church in Heidelberg and ice skating to do some evangelism.  Tuesday night they participated in the New Year's Eve church service at the CVJM singing as a group and sharing.  Tomorrow they'll sightsee again in Heidelberg and then Sunday we'll go to Calvary chapel in the morning and then help run the evening CVJM service.  Monday Klaus doesn't want the team to work as it's a "ruhig" Tag (holiday) and it might disturb the neighbors with all our banging.  We'll probably spend part of the day resting and getting caught up and also work on some programs for the schools later in the week.

I have so much respect for Teen Missions and the work they do with teenagers.  Alan loves the organization too.  We owe them quite a bit as that's how we found each other but also just the way they use loving and godly discipline with teens seems to answer what is so desperately needed in our world today.  My next door neighbor has a 15 year old daughter who I hear screaming, cursing and fighting with her mom several times each week.  Tonight she's having a boy/girl party and they are loud and throwing things around without a care in the world.  Today's teens need the discipline and love and respect that organizations like Teen Missions drills into them.  I experienced it when I was 14 and it was the best summer of my life.  What God teaches in the bible (love and respect for your parents, others, yourself) isn't meant to spoil your fun but to do the very opposite.  It gives LIFE!  These teens from Australia with TMI here working with us reflect that.  They are hard working, kind and really trying to seek God for their lives.  So far Alan and I have been really impressed.

Still, coming back to wet and dreary Germany was hard.  We had such a wonderful but also such a crazy, at times hectic and overwhelming visit to Georgia/Disney World/South Carolina that when I think back it's kind'of a big blur.  Did we REALLY do all that in just five weeks?!  My husband managed to work most of the trip helping my parents rebuild 3 porches, repairing an old train set from my father's childhood and putting up guttering on a 100+ year old house.  I took care of Chloe mostly, got all the supplies we'd need for the next year, made contact with supporters, bought all the Christmas gifts and organized a talk at our church about our work here.  I also had fun co-hosting a German afternoon tea with my good friend Brita Barry at her beautiful home in Athens.   Together we went to Walt Disney world for a week with the whole family, celebrated my birthday, Alan's 50th birthday, my dad's 70th birthday, went to see Santa, the Watkinsville Christmas parade, helped host the 30th plus annual Monday night bible study Christmas party at my parents house and the list goes on and on.  It was a tremendously blessed visit but I'm not kidding when I say we needed a vacation from our vacation! :)

A few days ago I came down with a cold and this morning on our way into the CVJM Chloe starting vomiting in the car.  So this afternoon I was in a feel sorry for myself, I can't be bothered type of mood.  I decided to just bite the bullet and try to get caught up with MOPS stuff I've been putting off and once I did I felt a bit better.  Then Alan came home and really helped with Chloe, made homemade bread, cleaned her car seat and put her down to bed.  Poor thing I think has fallen asleep in her room.  He's been in there for hours!

Well the teens in the apartment next door don't seem like they are going to sleep any time soon.  I'm seriously considering sliding a TMI brochure under the door to the apartment before I go to sleep.  Pray for them and us and pray for the team that they would be greatly blessed and encouraged as they serve God and others here in Germany.

10 Things I will teach my daughter

There are things that you notice as you get a bit older.  Those things are things you expect everyone to know, recognize, acknowledge or abide by.  These are the things you'd definitely want your child to understand and respect.  So with that here's my list for today:

1.  Don't ask for a lift, anywhere (to a meeting, to town, to the airport, etc) without paying for the gas required to get there.  It's rude. If the person says, "no, it's ok." Insist. Usually if you insist they will accept. If they then give a reason why they don't want to accept your money, then respect their wishes and go to number 2.
2.  Say Thank you - never, ever be ungrateful and take others for granted. 
3.  Give things to others without any strings attached. ie lifts to the airport, your seat on the bus/tram, a cake for a birthday celebration, help when you have the time to give it.  CAVEAT - make sure you're doing it without any strings attached, otherwise it's disingenuous.
4.  Say Please - it's just not your God given right to expect anything from anyone.  The world is half full of selfish people who don't really care too awful much about you.  Sure they pretend that they do but (like you), they really don't.  The other half of the world is divided into your mom and dad and maybe a best friend or two and everybody else.  This everybody else group (minus your mom, dad and best friend) really likes to do things for other people but will after a time or two (or maybe a dozen) stop if you don't appreciate it. Then there's your mom and dad and best friend who will probably go a bit further than everyone else but will eventually feel neglected, uncared for and unloved if you continue to not appreciate them or be polite.  Also these are the people who you should be treating better than everyone else anyway.  So if you ask for something, ask nicely, politely and always say please.  It will go better for you.  Then once you've got this down, refer to number 3 on the list.  The two go hand and hand together.
5.  Don't think your emergencies, priorities or stresses necessarily equate to anyone else's emergencies, priorities or stresses.  I love that sign, "Lack of preparation on your end, does not constitute an emergency on my end."  SO TRUE - respect those that work alongside you or for you.  Respect THEIR time like you respect your own.
6.  If you say you're going to do something, DO it!  It's much better to say no or maybe or we'll see then yes and then not do it.  Also make sure you are under a mutual understanding with the person asking of what timeframe "doing" it means.  If you say for example that you'll "do the dishes" but that to you means you'll do them next week at some time when you feel like it, you probably shouldn't volunteer to begin with.
7.  Never, ever, ever put something into print that can come back to haunt you.  This includes Facebook, Twitter, Email, Websites, Blogs, etc, etc.  If in doubt - DON'T write it down. 
8.  Get anything important - IN WRITING!  There are many reasons for this - people forget things, YOU forget things, people and especially companies will try to cheat/trick or rob you.  Protect yourself!
9.  It's no one else's responsibility but yours or as my grandma Abney would say, "OHIO - only handle it once"  If you open it - shut it, turn it on - turn it off, take it out - put it back, dirty it - clean it.

And last but not least and what actually prompted this silly blog note:
10.  If you're a girl - don't go pee before checking to see if there's toilet paper in the stall. Enough said. 

A Grief Observed...

It was not my husband, dad, brother or granddad that died and still I feel loss.  Loss mainly for those that are still here and suffering - really, really suffering because they loved a man that sincerely loved them back.  It's so rare in this messed up world.  Christian or not, young or old, rich or poor - to have someone that loves you sincerely is a rare gift indeed.  Alan Sr. loved his wife.  He loved his children.  He loved his grandkids.  They loved him back. 

Attending a funeral is one thing.  Getting everything prepared, living in the house of the deceased one's loved ones, trying to be helpful but also trying to stay out of the way - nothing could have prepared me for the last week.  Still I think the worst is yet to come in a lot of ways.  Last week we all had each other and sweet Chloe to distract us and make us laugh.  This week you're just alone with your memories and a few latent cards or visitors. 

Still there is light.  Light in the eyes of a friend who picks you up from the airport, takes you to your car an hour and a half away, refuses any payment for gas and then gives you homemade cakes, breads, cheese, fruit, chocolates and meat from his wife that is meant to sustain you over the next 24 hours when all the shops are shut. Light when that same friend and your pastor help to jumpstart your car that has died while you were away by rolling it down a hill.  Even when that friend was missing his own leg he was still willing to help. Light in the hugs and concerns of those you see at church that ask you how you're doing and really want to stay and hear your answer.  Light in the family that kept your dog on no notice and took care of arrangements for your pickup and gave you fresh fruit from their garden when you got home.  Light in a mom and dad and two sisters who offer help, love, lots of prayers and anything else really you could ever need.  And most importantly light in the eyes of the man God gave you for a husband who even though he's hurting as much as you've ever seen him hurt takes the time to tell you at the airport, "I don't care if we live in England.  I don't want if we live in Germany.  I don't even care if we live in Georgia.  My home now is wherever you are."  Despite it all we trust in a God who really does care.  He really does love.  He really does have a purpose and plan for our lives and it's at these times we really feel it.  Putting one foot in front of the other.  That's what we'll do for a while and that's ok.

The day of Alan's funeral my devotion, Day by Day with Billy Graham said this,
"Title: Jesus is our Comforter
Christ is the answer to sorrow.  When Harry Lauder, the great Scottish comedian, received word that his son had been killed in France, he said, "In a time like this, there are three courses open to man: He may give way to despair and become bitter.  He may endeavor to drown his sorrows in drink or in a life of wickedness.  Or he may turn to God.  There are thousands of people who have turned to God, but you may be still carrying your burdens.  God begs of you, "Cast all your care on me, for I care for you" (I Peter 5:7).  You who must go through the valley of the shadow of death, you who must say goodbye to those whom you have loved, you who suffer privation and misery, you who are unjustly persecuted for righteousness' sake - take heart, take courage.  Our Christ is more than adequate for sorrow."

“The death of a beloved is an amputation.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Good-bye summer, hello fall! :)

Well since I last wrote, we wrapped up a great visit with Alan's family and sweet friends in England.  We also managed to sneak a couple of days in Holland at the end of our trip just the three of us which was really, really nice. Here are some pictures of our time away.

So what's next...

Well, this is currently what we're planning for the fall:

The Loft (Continued construction work) - ongoing each week

 

MOPS and the Faithbook Club - Tuesday and Friday mornings with Chloe as well as play dates, moms nights outs and other events
 

Jesus Abend's at SAM for Alan - Monday evening in Waldorf and Friday evening in Sinsheim

Cell Group for Mary - starts Wednesday Sept 18th

 

Euro Intent Ground Team - last week of September

 

KurbisFest at the CVJM - end of October

 

The wedding of Jonas and Elisabeth (our third German wedding) - end of October

 

Teen Missions Team from Australia and New Zealand - Dec 27th - Jan 18th

 

 

Our apologetic style book studies will continue in the New Year as well as more language study for us both.  We've also applied for more Edge teams for next summer and are hopeful to receive a team from our sending church in Georgia as well so there will be planning and details to organize for that. 

The most fun thing we're doing right now is experimenting with a new bread maker that we got four years ago for a wedding gift but have never used. In Germany we figured out we spend nearly 3 Euros a day (and sometimes more!) on bread for our family.  A loaf of bread in the bread maker costs roughly 60p.  Sooooo we will save over 2 Euros a day or roughly 60 Euros just on BREAD - AND it's sooo nice to have hot bread each morning.  I can have my 100% whole grain breads and Alan can make his white bread and we're both happy.  I wish I knew how easy it was to use.  I would have started a long time ago!  Right now Alan is in the kitchen making his first batch of hot cross buns.  Last weekend he made homemade pizza dough.  I would LOVE to retire from the kitchen and let Alan take over.  Maybe he'll take after his dad and become the chef in the family! One can dream... :)

 

Other than that Chloe continues to grow like a weed.  She's successfully given up her pacifier during the days now and gets rewarded with various treats (like the swimming pool with daddy today).  She can open our apartment door now with the key, is talking a ton and got her feelings hurt for the first time when a not so sweet girl at the playground was mean to her and said she wasn't allowed to play with them (in German but still Chloe understood fully).  Her little eyes welled up with tears and she looked at me like, "momma, what did I do?". :( I felt terrible for her but know disappointments and sadness caused by the selfishness and insecurities of others will be something she must learn to live with.  I told her after that just because the other little girl wasn't sweet doesn't mean Chloe shouldn't still be sweet and that sometimes people just aren't nice and that makes us very sad. Even at two, she seemed to understand.

Alan and I would love for Chloe to have a little sister or brother so pray that we can before we get too much older!  I fell chasing Chloe the other day and was reminded of how old I really am. Ah well, we're young at heart (or you would think so if you were a fly on the wall in our house sometimes.  Our favorite thing to do lately is all lie in the "BIG bed" and Chloe from the middle takes turns pushing daddy and mommy onto the floor. We laugh and giggle and tickle each other, play hide and seek and just let joy fill the house.  We honestly couldn't feel more blessed.  

 

Some prayer requests as we sign off.  Pray for us as things kick start again at our church next week and as the fall approaches.  Pray for friendships to be developed for us and for Chloe.  Pray for a house we can move into with a garden that is close to our church but also cute and safe for Chloe.  We are grateful for you all!